From WOUNDED BOYS HEROIC MEN by Daniel Jay Sonkin, Ph.D.
A Man's Guide to Recovering from Child Abuse
Ladies, please feel free to change hero to heroine and he to she.

The late Joseph Campbell's description of the hero's journey is much like healing from childhood abuse. Each of us who embarks on a dangerous endeavor is a hero. It takes a great deal of courage to face your inner wounds. By facing your inner demons, and coming to terms with your vulnerabilities you re-emerge a changed person-transformed by the process.

THE CALLING
The hero's journey begins with a calling; a message sent to him from far away. He may experience the message as an inner uneasiness, discomfort, or a feeling that something is just not right. The message may also come from outside the hero in the form of someone else telling him he needs to change.

THE LEAVING
Now the hero must depart from a safe place and venture into uncharted territory. This begins with breaking the denial that has kept you safe all these years and talking about long-ignored feelings, thoughts and memories. Embarking on your healing journey can be frightening and unnerving. You are out of your daily routine which removes your sense of predictability and security. Most important, the leaving means you must come face to face with different parts of yourself, both positive and negative.

THE SPIRIT GUIDE
Every hero has the assistance of a spirit guide or mentor; someone who has also taken the journey and who will assist you in your process. Your spirit guide can be anyone you respect and trust: a therapist, another man who is already on his healing journey, a close friend, or a lover.

THE COURAGEOUS ACT
At some point in his journey the hero is faced with a challenge of enormous proportions. He may have to do battle with a frightening creature or another person. Usually the hero has to use not only his physical strength but other resources, such as feeling, intelligence, intuition, or sensitivity. The hero has to put aside his ego, become humble, and do what is necessary to complete the task.

You will find many challenges in healing from childhood abuse. You will have to do battle with your inner abuser's tendency to blame yourself for the abuse. Combating low self-esteem is another challenge of the healing process. Learning to get in touch with your feelings may be the greatest challenge of all.

THE RETURN
When the hero returns from his journey there is something different about him. The courageous act has brought about an inner change that others notice immediately. You may even notice the difference yourself, feeling more centered, at peace with yourself or happier with life. You may not feel noticeably different from the way you felt last week, but you may feel radically different than you did six months or a year ago.

LEAVING AND RETURNING
Your healing journey will consist of a similar process of leaving a safe and comfortable place, facing and meeting a challenge, and returning with a new attitude or other change. After a while you will venture out again to face new hurdles and overcome new barriers to finding peace of mind. But with each journey you will develop new skills to make the next one easier.

Facing the intense pain of childhood abuse takes courage of heroic proportions. You are a hero for answering the call no matter in what form it came. You are a hero for asking for help and taking deliberate steps in healing your wounds. You are a hero for facing your inner demons and reclaiming your lost self. You are a hero for continuing to struggle with your wounds and make peace with yourself and others.